Look! The turkey didn’t even have to pay this time….

 

I just can’t help but think that the chickens and cows finally have their revenge…

 

My fine literary style, and recently discovered talent for photography, score me yet another book deal…

Just thought I’d provide you with yet another shameless “sought-after author this time turned Photographer” update in regards to  Wonderful Glorius ME!

I just got word via Google Hollywood Watch that not only did my tumultuous hours-long hour of research into the oft-times mysterious field of “Herpes and other fun-filled, yet itchy, dating solutions” net me yet ANOTHER unexpected “book” deal (to be worked out when I can find the “publishing house” that took it without my permission, per usual – of course), but this time it seems they have also saw fit to display one of my heart-felt and emotional photography “stills” in the literary work as well – Note I have circled below in blue for your convenience, one of my finest works, held dear to my heart – a piece I simply call “Dick left-hanging”…” (i kind of stole the idea from that overrated movie entitled “Girl unfinished”, remember that? I barely do, either…)

Note the double entendre – Dick left HANGING, as in “left hanging wondering what’s next” and also Dick Left-Hanging, as in “hanging to the left in direction”…

PS - I had to enlarge "Dick" and re-do the color of the text for your visionary pleasure (notice I also added a photo of Old and Crabby's dating site mascot, Hilda - as a Shout Out to her for all her hard work at getting out the wrinkles when the site was new.  But if you think this pick is my attempt at a forgery, or you'd like to see the original "literary tribute of note" for yourself, please click on NIGMA and see my precious Dick left hanging with your own eyes...


Oh one more thing...

I just know you're dying to take another look at my latest photochopped remake of an old family fave (away from the limelight it shares with "Dick left hanging" as it deserves it's own gallery opening in my opinion)  Or maybe you think it's dumb, but either way - Here it is again, LARGER for your convenience this time ....enjoy..

Always remember my motto:  As long as I think it's funny, at least one person's laughing..

ONCE AGAIN IT’S TIME FOR “FROM CRAPCHAS – TO CRAP TRAILER TRANSLATIONS”

Did you know those stupid Crap-chas we always misspell when we try to leave a comment on a blog or fill out a stupid registration on the internet - they actually have a purpose in life besides beings a sharp thorn up the ass?

Yep! crap-chas are really mysterious translating codes from the underworld!  and when you take some crap-chas and string em' together it breaks the code and magikally translates that
word-salad mumble jumbo nonsense that the trailer people use to communicate with each other ...and aliens - and assembles it into a semi-coherent thought for the rest of the non-trailer world! 


This is how it works. Crap-chas harness their translating powers via the night sky in the midwest and bounce their radiowaves off the antenna of the biggest mobile home in a trailer park that can be beemed in via their neurotransmitters.  and ZOW! -  just like that- we now SEE first hand and comprehend the things those trailer folk having been trying to say, and in some cases - yell, at the nascar drivers on t.v. every race season for the past 300 years...


Want another example?  ok...
here are three crap-chas taken from three different website comment areas...(the ones I have here are random crap-chas that popped up in the place of the 3 preceding crap-chas i spelled wrong)

laries.  triver.  sledit. 

hmmm....if you say them really fast 3 times - it almost sounds like a more advanced DIALECT of trailer-lingo huh....anyway...but we're not in a mobile and we're not under a night sky - there's no way for the crap-chas to harness their powers in conditions like this...DAMN!  I guess we're screwed.....oh wait...

i forgot my secret weapon -  Mr. whizzerd!  "Oh mr whizzerd" ARE YOU HERE?  "Mr. Whizzerd?" (where is that loser?)

pooooof!!

  

(of course i do – it’s in a trash can behind Billy Rico's whiskey still (as usual) and i think you’re mistaking me for your MOMMA! (bitch)

(Pooofff!)

OK  - I GOT ER' DUN

YAY! Behold the CRAP-cha magik....! -


The 2009 unabridged edition of TRAILER-SPEAK allows:

ANY SPELLING OF A PROPER NAME THAT CAN BE IDENTIFIED PHONETICALLY AS AUTHENTIC - “LARIES” PHONETICALLY IS “LARRY’S” – SEE THIS TRAILER MALE IS A SMART UN!

THAT “THE RIVER” IS WHERE MOST OF THE TRAILER ELITE WASTE THEIR TIME, WELFARE MONEY and  BRAIN CELLS. HENCEFORTH THE IDIOM “T’RIVER” BECOMES "THE RIVER"

THE IDIOM “SLED IT'” IS THE UNIVERSALLY RECOGNIZED REDNECK DRUNKS WAY OF COMMUNICATING “SAID IT” IN BETWEEN GRABBING HIS SISTERS ASS AND VOMITING INTO A NASCAR KFC COLLECTORS ITEM CHICKEN BUCKET.  SO "SLED IT IS REALLY "SAID IT"



So boys and girls - what is the deep message in this case, that's being relayed from one red-neck to another?  

It's easy to deduce that in this situation this message is in regards to a family "situation" between husband and wife (or brother and sister as the case may be...)  -

"I dun SLED IT (said it) to you twyce now Iris Pauline! I wern't able to make yer Momma's fun'rel becuz I got my truk stuk at LARIES (Larry's) whilst we wast a'drinkin' Budlite at "TRIVER" (the river). So shut yer yap woman!"

SO there you have it!  A sentence spoken in the quaint little dialect known as Trailer-Speak, whose message was hidden from us by the universe for millions of years -  but is now revealed and is understood by the rest of us! (well....sort of)

Fun with trailer park CRAPCHAS...

MORE FUN WITH CRAPCHAS!!

What do we do with those annoying crapchas that are not only hard to read, hold us up trying to spell, but MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE, boys and girls?

We make our OWN sense out of them...

TODAY'S CRAPCHA IS

So far so good...

Uh oh..

Oh I know what it means...

Now it makes sense!